Christina Reviews *Best In Show*

          For all of those who have seen and loved This Is Spinal Tap, here is another mockumentary by the great Christopher Guest.

        This time, he goes behind the scenes of a New York dog show as the zany owners give us a little glimpse of what the competition means to each of them.   Some of the owners are more neurotic than others, some of them view it as just another day in their crazy lives.  But the one thing they all have in common is that they take the competition just a little bit more seriously than anyone should ever take a dog show. 

        Verdict:  Most hilarious dog-umentary I have ever seen.  Jane Lynch, Parker Posey and Jennifer Coolidge must be three of the funniest actresses in the world.   Five stars.

Christina Reviews *Be Kind Rewind*

          This is one of those rare American comedies that is actually built upon a funny concept.  It’s about two video store employees who decide to film their own versions of the classics and rent them out to unsuspecting customers.  When the customers find out what’s going on, they decide that they actually prefer the fake movies to the real ones. 
 
          The ending was kind of strange, though I kind of liked the way the film completely switched gears in the last act and became a story about something else entirely.  In a way, it prevented the initial concept from becoming a gimmick.  By the end of the movie, I was like, “What the…” And then I thought to myself, “Wow.  That was cool.”

          I would highly recommend this movie to all fans of Jack Black, as well as all fans of the genre.

Christina Reviews *Beethoven's 2nd*

        I like both Beethoven and Beethoven’s 2^nd. Both serve their nostalgic purposes quite well. But if I had to pick one that I prefer just a little bit more, it would be the sequel. It’s not because it has a better story. Basically, it is the first movie, only with little Beethoven babies running around.  The reason I prefer the second movie is because of a single scene.

       I’m sure all those who have seen Beethoven I and II will agree that the best scene in the whole saga is the one where Ryce is being assaulted by this a-hole, and then Beethoven, who is tied to the house, pulls the balcony away from the building, causing the a-hole to go flying. Only in a Hollywood movie would that ever happen.

       Way to go, Beethoven! You’re my hero.

Christina's Politically Incorrect Review of *Basic Instinct*

            “You like to watch, do you?” - Nick (Basic Instinct)

          A man is killed in his bed with an ice pick.  The only suspect is Catherine Tramell (Sharon Stone).  She is a suspect because she was the girlfriend of the dead guy and because she is an author who wrote a book in which a character died in much the same way her boyfriend did. 
          Nick (Michael Douglas) is involved in the investigation.  He is a little too involved, though, if you know what I mean.  You see, without intending to, Nick finds himself falling in love with Catherine.  And you know what happened to the last guy who loved her.  
          Catherine Tramell is the kind of woman you are referring to when you use the words “femme fatale“.  I know that many men will like Sharon Stone’s "acting" in this movie, but you can trust me when I say that she really did do a great job playing evil. 
          There is a depth to Basic Instinct that you rarely find in movies of its kind.  For example, I think that the point of this movie is that women are diabolical and cannot be trusted.  And I think that the point of this movie is that those conniving bisexual women are worst of all.

So be careful what you wish for.

Christina Reviews *The Bad Seed*

         “I like apricot juice.  It doesn’t even need ice.” -  Rhoda Penmark

          Rhoda Penmark is a precocious little girl who knows how to charm the hearts of many.  The only problem is that she has no heart of her own. 

          When her mother, Christine, starts to suspect that her eight year old daughter may be responsible for the death of a classmate, her whole world is thrown into turmoil.  What do you do when you know that your beloved child is a dangerous sociopath?  A true dilemma indeed.

         What is it about evil children?  Countless movies and books have been written about them.  The Omen.  The Good Son.  Joshua.  Orphan.  And I’m sure the list goes on and on.  Children are supposed to be innocent, so for a child to be evil goes against nature.  Or does it?  In the case of The Bad Seed, the roots of Rhoda’s evil can be traced back to a family secret that Christine must uncover before she can fully understand what is going on in her own home.  Maybe Christine has passed on the evil gene to her own offspring. 

          The movie is genuinely creepy, and Patty McCormack is brilliant as Rhoda.  The only flaw within this movie is the curtain call at the end where the actors step forward and take a bow.  And then the actress who plays the mother takes Patty McCormack over her knee and spanks her.  Way to kill the mood!  My belief was suspended up until then.  Oh yeah, and then there was the deus ex machina move in the final scene.  That was totally uncalled for!


4 out of 5 stars

Christina Ponders the Level of Suckitude in *Anywhere But Here*

          I watched Anywhere But Here in high school, years before I read the book. I would compare Mona Simpson's book to something written by Rosellen Brown. Both authors seem to mine deep into the human psyche, dragging up some pretty unsavory things. This movie, on the other hand, doesn’t even dig deep enough to find the lost action figure a two year old might have accidentally buried in the garden. 

         Yeah, yeah, the mother and daughter don't see eye to eye. Yeah, yeah, life sucks when you're on the road with your crazy old mother. And why not kill off one of the minor characters in a car accident while we’re at it because that’s always a good way to startle the audience out of a mid-movie slump, right?   It's not that these things didn't happen in the book;  the only difference is that Mona Simpson managed to write a book that included these plot points without having it suck.
       
           I wouldn't say that the book was the best thing I've ever read. In fact, I'm sure there will be a lot of people who will hate it and think it is the most disgusting book ever written, but the one thing you would never call it is predictable.

         Natalie Portman is not a bad actor (if we are to assume the Academy knows talent when it sees it, and I'm feeling pretty generous at the moment).  Neither is Susan Sarandon.  They just didn’t have much to work with here. Nowadays, this seems to be a reoccurring theme with Susan Sarandon and her choice of roles. I know that there comes a point in any actor's life when they have to choose between their dignity and their career, but it's pretty sad that, nowadays, when I hear that Susan Sarandon is in a movie, the question isn't whether or not the movie will be any good, but whether or not it will suck more or suck less. It's the level of suckitude in question.

          Anyway, this is only my opinion.   Take it for what it’s worth.

Christina Reviews *The Amityville Horror* Series

             There are three movies in The Amityville Horror series.  The first movie was boring.  The second movie was racy and offensive.  The third movie was just dumb.  If you add them all together, you get this:  One Big Waste of Time.
              Having watched this series back to back with Poltergeist, I now know that the latter was infinitely superior for the following reasons. 
              1.  It has a better story.
              2.  It has better characters.
              3.  It has better acting.
              4.  It’s just better.  So there.  Plus, it raises awareness for the little people community by giving them visibility and ghostbusting abilities.
             The Amityville Horror (the original) doesn’t really have much of a story.  It’s about a family that moves into a haunted house.  The father becomes possessed, and it all spirals downhill from there.  It’s a really simple premise.  No offense if you saw the movie and liked it.  I mean, it’s a classic and all which is more than I can say for the remake.  I just found it to be so dull.
            Amityville II: The Possession is more of a prequel.  It is about the murder that took place in the house before the family from the first film moved in.  We get to know the killer and his parents and siblings.  I would say that we grow to like them, but not really.  They all seemed kind of cartoonish.  The oldest brother becomes possessed, which is something that tends to happen from time to time to people who live in the Amityville house.  It’s interesting, I suppose, in a train wreck sort of way.
           The third movie stars Meg Ryan.  She doesn’t play a major part, so maybe “stars” is the wrong word.  But that’s little more than semantics.  Without Ryan and the 3D features, there would be no reason to even acknowledge this movie’s existence.  And you know what?  I don’t much care for Meg Ryan, and I find 3D to be overrated, so we’ll just move on.
          Actually, there’s not much more I want to say.  I think that pretty much sums it up.

           Final Verdict:  Sucky

Christina Reviews *American Psycho*

“There is an idea of Patrick Bateman; some kind of abstraction.  But there is no real me.”

         American Psycho is about a twenty-something year old banking executive’s descent into hell, but it's not what you think.  You see, he works on Wall Street during the day, and that's all well and good, but then he goes out and kills prostitutes by night. 
         I started the novel by Bret Easton Ellis, but I couldn’t finish it.  It made me feel too dirty, even if it was all just a metaphor.
        The movie actually does a good job with the material.  It is still disturbing and it's not for everyone's tastes.  To be honest, I don't know if it would have been half as good if it weren't for Christian Bale.   
        Christian Bale is a brilliant actor.  There’s really not much more I can say about this movie, other than don’t see the sequel.  It stars Mila Kunis and it is a joke.
        Oh yeah, and don’t read the book.  Gloria Steinem absolutely forbids it.  Do what she does and marry one of Christian Bale‘s relatives instead. 

Christina Reviews *Along Came a Spider*

         The plot to Along Came a Spider seems simple enough. A little girl is kidnapped and it's a race against the clock to save her. I know that it’s become the thing nowadays to have a big twist at the end. But this has to have been the worst twist I have ever encountered in a movie.  It was even worse than the anti-climactic twist in Saw, and that twist was pretty bad. That’s really the only reason why I chose to review this film. The only thing I remember about it is that the ending sucked so bad.


          How about this.  I'll sum up ACAS in one sentence:

          The movie is based on a book by James Patterson.

          There's not much else to say.

Christina Reviews *Alice, Sweet Alice*

         Alice, Sweet Alice is one of my favorite horror movies ever, and that’s not because it starred a young, delightful Brooke Shields.  Shields plays the obnoxiously loveable little sister of brooding, neglected Alice.  Needless to say, she doesn’t last very long and is killed off fairly quickly, as characters of her kind often are.  This is not a spoiler, by the way.
        The movie is about a disturbed young girl named Alice.  Yes, Alice has every reason to resent her life.  But is she a cold-hearted murderer of her own blood?  The movie is twisted and definitely does not go in the direction you would expect because the ending is quite off-the-wall. I'm not quite sure I liked the ending.  But that was almost beside the point when it came to whether or not I appreciated the film because the characters were just so appealing in a macabre sort of way, the music is creepy, and the movie has got this cult classic feel to it that makes one feel cinematically sophisticated for having watched it.
        I really don’t know what to rate it.  It’s really one of those movies where it’s impossible to know how others will feel about it.

Christina Reviews *Adventures in Babysitting*

          This is one of those movies that would probably get two stars from a “respectable” critic, but from me, it gets five stars. 
          The plotline is as follows.  After being stood up by her boyfriend on her anniversary, Chris (Elisabeth Shue) gets stuck babysitting Sara Anderson.  Sara’s brother Brad is supposed to be spending the night with his best friend Darryl, but Brad and Darryl have a crush on Chris, and when they find out she’s babysitting, they decide they’re going to stay at his house after all.  But then Chris gets a phone call from her best friend Brenda who’s stuck in a train station with no money and no way home.  Chris agrees to pick up her friend, but since Sara balks at the idea of her brother babysitting her while the real babysitter is gone, Chris is forced to take the kids with her.  And this is when the nightmare in hell begins.  On the way to pick up Brenda, they get a flat tire, and it all goes downhill from there.
          Adventures in Babysitting has got some of the funniest scenes I’ve ever seen in a movie of its kind.  It’s kind of like Ferris Bueller for babysitters.  It’s hardly a classic, but I see it more as a cult favorite that will probably most appeal to those who remember it from their youth.   I would still recommend it to everyone and everybody.  I will warn you though, the “f” word makes a couple of appearances in the movie.  In the TV version, the word was changed to “fool”.  As in, “Don’t fool with the babysitter”.

Christina's Controversial Review of *Across the Universe*

         Is Across the Universe one of my favorite movies ever?  No.  Not even close.  Was it a good way to spend a Saturday night?  Not really.  Did I watch it on a Saturday night?  It may have been some other day of the week.  I don't recall.   Did I even manage to make it through the whole thing?  Ah, I watched some parts here and there.  Did I get a good sense of what the story was about from the parts I did watch?  Yeah.  Do I think I missed much by not paying close attention? Probably not. 

         If you're partial to characters named Jude or meter maids named Rita, if you always wanted the visual image of someone literally crawling in through a bathroom window, or if you do not think your life would be complete if you never caught a glimpse of what Bono would look like on acid, then by all means, watch this movie.  If you like your movies to come with a plot, then steer clear.

         Final verdict:  I liked the soundtrack.



         Christina's Rating: **

Christina's Review of *40 Days and 40 Nights*

                   I Guess They're Hard-Up for Plots

         I really wanted to hate this movie. There was no one worth watching it for. And the plot sounded ridiculous. That said, after renting this movie (for free) with very low expectations, it was actually not that bad. It still wasn't very good.
         I almost died when Matt and Erica perfomed sensual acts with a flower. It is the most excruciating few minutes you will ever sit through. And not because of tension, or anything. Could they be more lame?
        Erica tickles Matt's arm with a petal and says "I don't even know if you can feel that." How could he not? Does he have no nerve endings?
        And I don't know what Matt saw in her because she almost completely "dumped" him when she found out he had sworn off sex for Lent. She naturally assumed it was about her. She totally missed the point that they weren't technically "together" anyway. He had no obligations. Honestly, you take the girl on a bus ride, and suddenly you are engaged. I won't even mention the utter shallowness that must have gone into her character. No wonder women confused him.
        Some funny parts scattered about, but overall, unstimulating.