Christina Reviews *Heathers*

        JD: Greetings and Salutations.  Are you a Heather?
        Veronica: No, I’m a Veronica.  Sawyer.  This may seem like a really stupid question...
        J.D.: There are no stupid questions.
        Veronica Sawyer: You inherit 5 million dollars the same day aliens land on the earth and say they're going to blow it up in 2 days. What do you do?
        J.D.: (Pause) That's the stupidest question I've ever heard.

         The Heathers are the most influential clique at Westerburg High.  There’s Heather Duke, the follower.  There's Heather McNamara, the cheerleader (I guess you could just say that both Duke and McNamara are followers).  And then there’s Heather Chandler.  Heather Chandler is the one who wears the red scrunchie.  She gets the red ball when the Heathers play croquet.  She’s the leader and everyone else is just lucky enough to be in her presence.

       The Heathers run the school with an iron fist.  They make fun of the weaker kids.  They run lunch time polls so that they can waste their fellow students' time with stupid questions.  They write fake love letters to make unpopular girls think that there are boys out there who like them. 

         Veronica Sawyer has been welcomed into the group, even though she doesn’t have the right name.  She craves the popularity, but she hates the person she has become.  In her diary, she lashes out at the Heathers--- and at Heather Chandler in particular.  She wants revenge.  And one day she is able to get
it---by accidentally killing the girl who is both her sworn enemy and her best friend (in the words of Veronica, it's the "same difference.")  Needless to say, the revenge doesn’t go as smoothly as planned.  And now her biggest concern is whether she's going "to Prom or to Hell."

         From that point on, she finds herself sinking deeper and deeper into a hole as she and her new boyfriend JD end up killing more and more classmates without ever intending to.

        This is my favorite black comedy ever.  While high school was nothing like this for me, I can appreciate that it is Hell for lots of teenagers, and this is a good portrayal of teen angst taken to the extreme.

        Several years later, Jawbreaker was made in an attempt to recapture the brilliance of Heathers.  It was a formidable task and, needless to say, Jawbreaker failed.

        Watch this 1989 cult classic instead.  It will have you looking at high school in the way you always have before.   Watch it with your grandmother, in fact.  During the opening credits, she'll be tapping her foot to "Que Sera." 

         "I like this movie already," your grandmother will say.

          And then she'll find out what it's really about and hate you forever.